Changing Inside Out

How well do we know US?  Do we have a firm grasp on what makes us tick, why we do what we do?  In pondering this deep and dangerous question I thought about Alice in Wonderland:

What a hoot to meet the chestier Cat, and how hilarious is the caterpillar smoking the bong (not that we should be smokin bongs now.)  He asks the all to important question WHO ARE YOU?  Do we really know who we are?  Did Alice  know who she was, or was her adventure really an exploration of herself?

She thought she know what she wanted, until she got it.  Every character in the story, from the cat, Tweedle dee and Tweedle dum, to the angry and vile Queen of Hearts shaped Alice’s way of thinking, and maybe opened her eyes to what is important in her life.

I love the flower garden scene.  They greeted her with warmth, joined her in song, and accepted her. UNTIL they figured out she was not a flower… she was  not like them, and they were afraid.

We are often rejected for what race, status, or mistakes we have made despite our talents and abilities.   Those rejections, others views DO NOT define who we are.

Am I like Alice, looking for something that might not be the best idea? Do I constantly want to be something or someone other than who I am?

If we are not happy with who we are, how can we expect others to be?  We should find our positive points, our strengths and build on those.  A negative vision, creates a negative result.

I have heard many times over the years:   “stay focused, don’t go following rabbit trails.”  Could Alice be a good example of what happens when we run a muck?  (if we know what a muck is?)LOL, kidding!

The point is….. Be adventurous in life, explore who you are, and what you want to be, but don’t go chasin rabbits down dark holes!  Self exploration is important, and can be fascinating…. but do it with temperance, wisdom and self restraint.  Not all things are good! Hang out with those who build you up, ignore those who tear you down.

King David (who wrote Psalms) said this about who he was and I love it:  Psalm 139:14

“I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works and my soul knows very well.

In the Hebrew language fearfully means: with great reverence and heart-felt interest.  Wonderfully translates to; unique, set apart, marvelous. In our exploration of who we are and what our purpose on this earth is, we need to remember who God says we are.

If we just go running helter skelter bad things happen, if you don’t believe me…..well….. Go Ask Alice!

Love Ya


What a day to have a stomach virus…”sigh”  It is the last of the semester, just today and next Monday and we are done, and I come down with something..really?   Somethings are hard to be happy about, but I am learning.

So I will curl up in a blanket, study algebra and history to the best of my ability and believe God will get me through my finals next week.

The Lord is teaching me to quit complaining, and just be happy.  We as humans can be annoying sometimes with our constant, mundane griping about this or that.  We just cant seem to be happy with our lives.

I am constantly reminded that there are others far worse off than I am.   I have a roof over my head, a car, food on my table and warm cloths to wear.  I am 56 and have been given the opportunity for an education.  (Gods promise to me fulfilled) Thank you Lord!

What really do I  need to  grumble  about?  Fancy jewelry,  expensive cars, million dollar homes?  Dust in the wind my friend, they will one day be dust in the wind.

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matt 6:20

I want things that last like; love, peace, friendship, family and a relationship  with Jesus who loves me beyond measure.  I am thankful, even today when I am feeling less than good.  I am thankful for all that God has given me, for all that he is about to give me, and for his love and mercy even if he gives me nothing.

God is good. 

Hope, dreams, ambitions, desire, need,  all rungs to the ladder that leads us to the stars. No matter the height of the ladder, it involves one hand after another, never looking back eyes focused on the goal.

We can not allow fear and self doubt to hold us back, we must press  on.  “We have nothing to fear, but fear itself” a wise man said that years ago. Fear weakens, stagnates, poisoning our hopes. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of Power, Love and a Sound Mind.”

Let us move forward, for our dreams, for our vision, for Gods realm of possibilities.

Mom Was:

Posted on: 11/27/2010

Mom was flowers and lace, blue skies and fluffy clouds.

She was quiet, but in the silence a loudness stirred,

Mom was refreshing, like the air after a spring rain,

She was gentleness and caring under her hard exterior.

Mom was steadfast in her faith, yet doubted her worthiness,

Mom was gracious, and forgiving, yet held herself guilty.

She was strength, yet weakness, laughter, yet tears.

Mom taught me to never give up,

She dreamed, and never let go of those dreams,

Mom, I loved her

I love my flippers

Okay… is the dilemma.   You live alone, hardly anyone comes to your apartment.  You have a routine, do everything pretty much the same way, and then something disappears.

My flippers are on my feet everyday for one reason or another.  Unless I am going to school or church, I wear them everywhere.  They are always in my living room right?  This morning they are no where to be found.  I have  looked under my bed, in my closets, in the trash can.  I have looked in cabinets, drawers LOL….. I have scoured my abode more than once.

Would someone tell me where my flippers are?  I’m pretty sure Maggie cant wear them, and Arragorn would be caught dead in them. (that’s my dog and bird)  So how do a pair of old flippers disappear when I am the only human in the house?

Mothers have the strangest hearts.  It doesn’t matter how old our children get, they can still break it.  We watch them grow up, and hope that we have instilled the tools necessary for a long prosperous life filled with happiness. When we have to sit back and watch their lives spin out of control and know that we have done all we can, it is very painful.

Our hearts ache, they long for them to reach out to us, to embrace the wisdom of our years.  We want to help, we need to help but sometimes it is just not possible.  Sometimes they just wont let us.  I told one of  my daughters today that I love them almost obsessively, passionately.  Sometimes I feel like I love them to much LOL….. if that were possible.

what do ya do?  I guess you just have to wait patiently in the background, and pray that it all works out the right way.  You love them from a far when they wont come close, you put them in Gods hands and believe that he knows, sees and is completely able to do far more than we ask or think.

Sandra, Brandy and Charity are my greatest accomplishments, my greatest joy and my shinning stars.  I love them with a depth no man can comprehend.   Now if I could just get one of the to grasp that.  Kids! Aren’t they great?

Take home tests are not an easy A.   My intro to the New Testament Professor gives some of the hardest tests I have had.  The essay question is the last part of the test.  I have to list the 6  views Dodd had of the book of Acts and then  discuss them….whoa.   It has been really difficult but I have learned from it.

I have learned to understand that the early church thought the end of days had come.  Though they were skeptical about Jesus being the messiah, his ascension helped to convince them.  When they heard the words  “seated at the right hand of God”  it convinced them of his true authority and his being the Messianic leader of the new Israel.  The day of Pentecost further satisfied them of this fact.

The thing was, they believed that the wrath and judgment of God was at hand, so they focused on evangelizing the world.  They believed that their new king was about to set up his earthly kingdom and free them from the oppression of the Roman Empire.  Is that why the word talks about “seeing through a glass darkly?”

Jesus told the disciples that it was not for them to know the day or  hour of his return, that God alone knows that.  However, they believed it would be in their life time.  He also said that he would give them signs to know that the coming was at hand.   I guess the bottom line is just this, we don’t know when it will happen, just that it WILL happen.

So is it not smart to be prepared for his arrival?  The early church had that part right.  They went to work and spread the gospel to the world as they knew it in anticipation of the coming king.  Should we not follow suit and not be caught off guard?

Its been an interesting study.  Cant wait for next semester and intro to the Old Testament!

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